You all know the story...
A guy meets a girl his world is now changed
No introduction just talk, no names but still
Same thing happen everyday
Talk is cheap, his eye turn weak and only focus on that girl all week
Until it turns that he can’t stop thinking about her
Its 24/7 all nights of imagining what he would say the next day
Nervousness each time he’s around her
Her words just carry him; he’s full of himself but to talk he confines it to her
He can’t find time to unwind his feelings into this ocean of heartfelt emotion
Explosions of excitement but corrosion of work
She knows nothing in this flustered situation
She continue with her life just mere talk between them
He can’t think without looking at her face
Smiles each time he talks with this girl everyday
Pacing in his mind he doesn’t know when to talk or not
When to speak when to think each time she within a few feet
When to say the truth when to joke
But he try to make her smile as often as it comes
Just to see her smile
He always excited delighted to see her everyday but just too shy to go up to this person
Cursing himself out because he didn’t or just kicking himself because he did anyways
To hoping she gets online that one night or to the night he can't sleep
Tryin to fight it trying to go to sleep but all week it stay unchanged
When ever he sees her thinks about her his heart pace quickens
Like he's standing right in her face
Faced with a desicion he can't make so it thickens into more shit
He knows she can do better, but what the hell, he should never hide something
But its nothing but a feeling of infatuation
The glutton of love has struck him
Now what is one boy to do?
Like to pour out his emotions and times of his life with her in a mere poem?
No that can't happen because nothing and no one reading can tell
What the hell his mind has locked up what he can't say but wants to
Confront her but taunted not to
Ms. Popular girl has gotten my world
How can I complete this tale of where one man can get killed
If she shatters or complete my heart it would never make a difference of how I feel
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
ReplyDeleteLooks like someone's finally letting the world know he got sexual temptations...lemme find out Ryan got a lover...
Alright, come on, lets bring it back to the purpose of this blog, which is....to write poems and for evybody else to critique it!!!
I thought it was alright and the fact that evrybody could relate to that idea is great!!! The rhymes didn't sound forced or anything, but they weren't spectacular either. Try to write a poem thats just being written as you you're feeling it. Imean, we're all poets right? so, when you're writeing a poem that u really feelin, don't u always feel like shaky and like ideas are just pouring out and you're just writing what you're seeing in your mind, and not thinkg much about the rhymes. my point is, i feel like sometimes a rhyme that was written in this poem could've been replaced by something way better, and much more heartfelt, it was good Ryan, i liked it. But how about.....bringing back a poem like "Water", huh!? huh!? boy, i miss that poem.
Now, i know it's like 3:30 in the morning but, i didn't know i had to revise some freaking essay till like 10', and then i decided to watch some nfl game, and i still had history homework, and then i felt like playing solitaire u know, and then i started checking out the games this saturday for berkshire, so here am i.
tell me what u think about that last poem i wrote Ry.
PEACE OUT!!!
Oooohhh. Somebody's in love... I'm tellin'!
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