Some will get it right away, others will get it later. Some will never know.

First things first, I should be asleep, but I'm not...and so that means I'm being subjected to the rambling thoughts of a Tourettic/Attention Deficitic mind. I know those aren't words...but they make sense nonetheless. So in these ramblings a few things became clearer. One, I completely, totally, wholeheartedly, sincerely enjoy watching you do what you do. Whether it's just the daily growing pains of too much homework, boy meets girl, girl meets boy, parents on your nerves, on your parents nerves, or using those same pains to express yourself in a way that only you can. I love it. I've preached it and preached it, and repeated and repeated, but of course actions (and sometimes inactions...) enunciate more clearly than words, so I want you all to know that even though I'm enamored by your ability to keep winning these contests, and although I'm proud as a new papa every time you bring home the trophy, it's never really meant that much in the "grand scheme" of things; at least not after the first one anyway. Yes, you are now the four time champions, and saying it out loud, and typing it on this screen is a thoroughly enjoyable experience, yet it's not the trophies, plaques or accolades that I find the most rewarding. It's really quite simply, you. Toro’s comment on my last post read,

“Congrats,
I never coached you guys when I was with DreamYard, but I have always dug the work you all and Mr. Craig do. Keep up the good work. Remember to write is to call new worlds into existence. Your words go deep than a slam score; you change the world every time you put pad to pen and open your mouths.

Peace and Metaphors,
Toro"

I've never been able to put things the way he can, but I believe we read somewhere, and used to repeat, “The points are not the point. The Point is Poetry…” and I believe we need to get our minds wrapped around these ways again, allow ourselves to have fun, and leave our mark on the world.

And then, in saying all of this, there is of course something else...

I've never been ashamed of who I am. Not while growing up in the predominately “snowy” city in which I was raised when a fellow student wanted to “pet” my hair, not when I was diagnosed with my multiple disorder, not even when my own father told me I was just a “touch of crazy.” No, I’ve been this person, and will continue to be this person for a reason. Yet it took recent events to help me see things a little more clearly. I wonder if it’s possible to ever care too much, to “over-love” someone, or something. To want to be able to fix all that is wrong, and hold tight to all that is right? At 32, I’m not sure I can yet answer these questions, but I will tell you this…I won’t back down from who I am or what I believe I mean to all of you; not now; not ever. I believe that it’s an awesome feat when you find something that not only nourishes your mind, and soul, but also your spirit. I believe that with all of your help, I have found that very thing, and I believe you’ve found it too. I’ve told you time and time again, to never be ashamed of your energy, of your talent, of your desires to be better than average. Don’t allow yourself to be knocked aside or knocked down by those who will mock, belittle or misunderstand you. Don't be pulled down by the very people who should be lifting you up. Don’t allow the failure of others in their own lives to become the failures you dwell on in yours. It’s not easy being strong, or true to yourself, especially as an adolescent, but if you maintain, I guarantee you’ll be rewarded for your courage, stamina and determination.

I feel like I need to say more, but my eyes are closing, and I woke up once with the number pad mashed into my face. Night all. Tommorrow's another chance to get it right.