The True Me

Why can't these dry eyes cry?
Whenever I feel pain, hurt whatever deep inside
Why do I hide true emotions?
Why is it so complicated?
My fixated mind has created a perspective of a utopia
My naive mind has hidden reality from these unsalted eyes
Because whenever I face such Bull***** of today's world
I know it won't affect me in the long run
So I hide it
Why can't I exude the same feelings I used to 5 years ago?
Eluding the premise of my soul, I know I can not cry because f***ed up S*** always gets solved
But if you can't solve them it becomes a problem
So why is it that I have locked up secrets and problems no one has heard yet?
Their tainted hearts has not tasted what I have heard and seen
But I believe that one day some one would hear out my mischievous deeds
No one has called me misunderstood but I believe that I am
So don't try to run my life like it's yours!!
because I'm feeling like I can not run away any more
Like I am now trapped in with my secret and problems
But I can not cry
I am not saying that crying would solve anything but at least pour out this containment that has been inside of me for so long
I can not prolong this S*** any more because it will end up controlling me, changing me, so why can't I cry?
I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that emotions are what I can't show and for that I have been secluded
Polluted by the minds of people talk, people thoughts
So I adapt to them, begin to talk like them, act like them
Becuase no one wants to see the old me
The true me any more
But he is still inside of me
Ready to break free, and then maybe I could feel that pain
But that is not likely to happen
Shy, nervous, hurt, quiet, scared, weak, small are all the thing that doesn't describe me any more
I guess it is a result in trying to "man-up"
So I can stand up for myself
But now I just don't give a f****
This society could hate me for all I care
I've changed, people notice since 7th grade
I made life enjoyable, now I just want the truth
Why can't I cry?
Maybe my new cold heart has replaced the fragile, weak, sensitive heart I had
So no remorse run through these viens
Why can't I cry?
Maybe from hiding my pain
I have become so nonchalent and serious making this f***ed up world nothing to me
My peoples had no clue what had gotten into to me
But it got me more people so I ain't afraid to be that proud Guyanese, with my my head up, socializing, serious, nonchalent and all of these things
But my family still wants the True Me
Back to the naive boy who played til his heart content
Cried his eyes out whenever small s*** happens
I don't remeber the last time I cried
That's such a shame to me
Because hopefully I'll cry before I die so you can see the True Me