Feb 16, 2007


When I meet him he was a virgin
To my words
But at the end of my appearance
Virginity was no longer in his vocabulary
13 ?
he asked how is it that I had seen
How could it be that God let such sin blind me
But I’m not blind
For I can see every thing these eyes were created to bear witness
And sure many times
I ask why me?
But I can only look down at my feet in sorrow for so long
before my neck starts to cramp up
So no matter what image is branded in my mind it will only be a memory
A memory lives
Off time
And time is what I can not waist nor change
So I must deal and move on
And sure it sounds like a card game but what more is life
Than a game that I must play.
Wining is my only goal
For I can’t rest in peace unless I have taken this victory
13 ?
he asked with the look of surreal on his face because
The scares on my skin
are a disgrace
because it was placed their by me
But what he does not see
is that scars represent what was
and this is what Is now
what is now
is me
with no blade in hand
because I have a man that will listen to my cry and even
Dry my tears
So I declare
that today the blade is my worst enemy
And no I will not keep my enemies closer than my friends.
So as he sat across from me with his face twisted tight because he could not fathom that fact that I was only 13 and that my mind as reached this level of awareness to all
That was wrong with life from domestic violence to war
from pollution
To abuse
from suicide to teen pregnancy
I have seen all
This simply to see more
I have been tasted in all the wrong ways and I hate this time of the year because on the 17 I will be forced to relive that day
In a way stronger than any other day would have had an impact on my
but memories lives off time
and time is what I can not waist nor change
so hopefully scale will be held on that day
So I could lose my self in thing my mother clams to have lost her first child to
he asked how I mange to stay sane if my life seems to be based around pure insanity
I simply reply 13 is a number
and my words are life
13 will change
but life is the same
u live
u die
what is done in between that time determines if you win this game or lose
and sure mistakes will be made
but realizing and correcting your faults is how you win
so yes I’m only 13
but that will change
will always be the same.

(so what do u think?)

Feb 14, 2007

One more thing...

I didn't want to hijack my own post, so Congratulations to Kevin, Rainey, Jesica, Angela and Justine who wer all either performing or in attendance to receive awards at the DreamYard Poetry and Spoken Word Festival at Scholastic. Awesome.

And to Denisse, Miguel, Kevin, Rainey and Jesica for competing in, and owning the crowds at the Urban Word preliminaries and semi-finals. 13, and 14 years old. Damn.

We'll be a busload of support and sore throats on February 24th for Jesica as she attempts to make the New York City team to compete in San Jose, Calif this summer. Two years competing, two youngins in the Urban Word Finals...(I'm pleased as a peacock!)

Oh, Kevin, you own any room you walk into..., you put the energizer bunny to shame.

Some will get it right away, others will get it later. Some will never know.

First things first, I should be asleep, but I'm not...and so that means I'm being subjected to the rambling thoughts of a Tourettic/Attention Deficitic mind. I know those aren't words...but they make sense nonetheless. So in these ramblings a few things became clearer. One, I completely, totally, wholeheartedly, sincerely enjoy watching you do what you do. Whether it's just the daily growing pains of too much homework, boy meets girl, girl meets boy, parents on your nerves, on your parents nerves, or using those same pains to express yourself in a way that only you can. I love it. I've preached it and preached it, and repeated and repeated, but of course actions (and sometimes inactions...) enunciate more clearly than words, so I want you all to know that even though I'm enamored by your ability to keep winning these contests, and although I'm proud as a new papa every time you bring home the trophy, it's never really meant that much in the "grand scheme" of things; at least not after the first one anyway. Yes, you are now the four time champions, and saying it out loud, and typing it on this screen is a thoroughly enjoyable experience, yet it's not the trophies, plaques or accolades that I find the most rewarding. It's really quite simply, you. Toro’s comment on my last post read,

I never coached you guys when I was with DreamYard, but I have always dug the work you all and Mr. Craig do. Keep up the good work. Remember to write is to call new worlds into existence. Your words go deep than a slam score; you change the world every time you put pad to pen and open your mouths.

Peace and Metaphors,

I've never been able to put things the way he can, but I believe we read somewhere, and used to repeat, “The points are not the point. The Point is Poetry…” and I believe we need to get our minds wrapped around these ways again, allow ourselves to have fun, and leave our mark on the world.

And then, in saying all of this, there is of course something else...
I've never been ashamed of who I am. Not while growing up in the predominately “snowy” city in which I was raised when a fellow student wanted to “pet” my hair, not when I was diagnosed with my multiple disorder, not even when my own father told me I was just a “touch of crazy.” No, I’ve been this person, and will continue to be this person for a reason. Yet it took recent events to help me see things a little more clearly. I wonder if it’s possible to ever care too much, to “over-love” someone, or something. To want to be able to fix all that is wrong, and hold tight to all that is right? At 32, I’m not sure I can yet answer these questions, but I will tell you this…I won’t back down from who I am or what I believe I mean to all of you; not now; not ever. I believe that it’s an awesome feat when you find something that not only nourishes your mind, and soul, but also your spirit. I believe that with all of your help, I have found that very thing, and I believe you’ve found it too. I’ve told you time and time again, to never be ashamed of your energy, of your talent, of your desires to be better than average. Don’t allow yourself to be knocked aside or knocked down by those who will mock, belittle or misunderstand you. Don't be pulled down by the very people who should be lifting you up. Don’t allow the failure of others in their own lives to become the failures you dwell on in yours. It’s not easy being strong, or true to yourself, especially as an adolescent, but if you maintain, I guarantee you’ll be rewarded for your courage, stamina and determination.
I feel like I need to say more, but my eyes are closing, and I woke up once with the number pad mashed into my face. Night all. Tommorrow's another chance to get it right.

Feb 7, 2007

So my mother said

The word that come from your mouth
don’t mean a thing
your self fish
and your heart is to cold
and deprived of kindness
to feel half of these things u pretend to know when you speak
Oh and this poetry thing is nothing but a set up for disappointment
because it could never amount to anything
And u really don’t have to wait for this dream to die because it resembles a stillborn child .
And she said all this when she told me
It was just a dream
And that’s all it could ever be.