15 days (don' t worry and tell me what you think )

I can’t remember how her hands feel
but her essence still lingers in memories
And her smile is as vivid as the sun
Sticky fingers
Every day after
That ice cream cone mommy told her she couldn’t have
52 pounds at ‘3”7 short
Curly hair down to the ground
She told me once that my eyes resembled that of an angel witched refused to carry its wings
Beautiful
I remember how she was always beautiful because she didn’t know the definition of ugly
Remember how she love red
but only
before it stained bed sheets Running down thighs she wondered if time would return what was rightfully hers
Finding that crying doesn’t help if your tears have no where to go
Remer her asking me if what so vividly played repeatedly in her mind was right
if it was okay to be touched in such a way
Only 15 days
before her,
My
9th birthday
I remember the last time she cried
But only because her tears were beautiful
Holding
The words that once lived on her lips
That was the last time she cried for mommy
Because mommy never came
and after he came
He told her to wash him of her flesh and never was she to let mommy know because
It would hurt her so
And she asked for me to help keep lips closed
But that doesn’t mean I had to let her go
Blissful ignorance
And way to many gaps between her teeth
She is the way to live life
And all I want to do
Is to want to live life
Want to say fuck slit wrists
I have enough scars to know what it feel likes to heal
But only wounds
See I need to know
How to heal the distance
Between the maturity and innocents in my adolescence
And no her face will not be printed on the back of any milk cartons
And every time I hold her picture and ask if anyone has seen her
They say unless you have a twin she’s standing before me
But what they fail to see is the purity held within her eyes
Unlike mine
Writing letters filed with apologetic words
To send to an address that I don’t have
I can’t call to apologize for letting her hand go
because her number isn’t listed as one of my contacts in my cell phone
And though I can ask to be forgiven
For letting her hands go at age 8
I know
I can never be forgiven
for
Forgetting how her hands felt
Only 15 days
before her,
My
9th birth day