I came into this competion thinking i wasn't going to make it this far, but you know what?
Here i stand performing in front of you, nervous as hell, feeling like i'm performing for Madison Square Garden, but fuck Madison Square Garden cuz all i need is an audience
Still nervous as hell, feeling intimidated by these other performers
Feeling like a skinny ass kid ( which i am) being cornered
Maybe it's the fact that i'm barely over the age range for this slam
Maybe i feel like i scored a touchdown by letting the ball touch the field about a foot within the touchdown line, i'm only thirteen
Yet i made it this far, but i'm still freaked out by these other poets spitting their shit making me feel more and more like shit
But yet here i stand still doing my shit
My nervousness is just a sign of my enthusiasm, it's like having a fucking orgasm for poetry
My lord, the inspiration and the written declaration this expressive kind of language sents through me
So now poetry and i are married and um, our honeymoon is today and um, i'm scared of not getting an erection
That's how scared i feel like when i think about these fucking judges making their New York team selection
But you know what?! i got 6 more years to come back here and show ya what i got! i got 6 more years to come back here and show you bitches what i've improved on
I got 6 more years to write, 6 more years to select, 6 more years to recite, 6 more years to perfect
So, everybody come back next year to check if i still got that nervousness, cuz the fact is i will be nervous, but that don't seem to stop me
well, so far this is the poem i'm planning to use if i make it to the second round of the finals. the performanc suppose to be 1 minute long(Crap!!!!!!Crap!!!!!crap!!!!). the longest it can be before the judges start deducting points is 1 minute 30 seconds and that's why this poem is so short. i just timed myself and i went like 10-15 seconds over a minute, so this shit ain't easy.
ReplyDelete(tell me what ya think about the poem, should it be used or not? Is it hot or not?)
Mauricio
ReplyDeleteWow! That poem has A LOT of curses
Way more than I use in poetry.
But I feel sometimes you cursed for no reason. But anyway apart from that it was clever and I know how you feel being nervous and all. The ending part was the best for me because it showed even if you don't make it you have 6 more years to do this and perfect your work. This poem was hot but like I said you cursed when it was not needed especially in the beginning. You need a little tweaking to do but overall this may mark a new level of poetry for you.
I guess I'm going to have to jump on the "to-much-profanity" bandwagon. Remember what we talked about, being genuine and true to who you are. Just because a bunch of older heads want to curse all over their poetry, doesn't mean it's the right thing for everyone's words. That's not saying a well placed curse word isn't effective, but just like we talked about after your performance Saturday...you don't want it to come off sounding like a gimmick,(remember the "sex" poem) like you're relying on the cursing or the shock to get your audiences attention.
ReplyDeleteYour natural charisma, charm, and (dare I say) self proclaimed sexyness should be able to carry whatever words you choose.
I will say that I like the theme though. I like that you're using the very experience of making it to the finals as your topic. And that you're including being nervous and impressed by your peers and competion. But remember, be genuine, we can all tell who you are, and this is a stretch - even for you.
Lastly, let me know more about the limitation or guidelines they gave you so we can all help out with your timing.
yo, I love the last few lines man.
ReplyDeletebut the adult is pouring out, i mean i think that the erecting, orgasms, and the profanity is not needed. maybe you can use the same idea and concept to make this poem even better.
Ya seriously don't know how pissed off, discouraged, "only liked the last few lines" thing, and pressured ya making me feel now.
ReplyDeleteThis is all some bullsh*t!!
I don't know if i can do it...
don't wanna dissappoint ya...
Well i hope ya notice this comment. It's very important.
ReplyDeleteI want to respond to everyone who commented on this poem.
RYAN:
This did mark a new level for me. I don't really what it is now, but i know i've peaked myself again as far as my poems and performances and myself.
EDWIN:
Thank you for the advice, but I love cursing and you know it, and i doubt that i'm ever going stop cursing. It's not my best material written and it's not at the top for competitions. But don't judge my poems with points man, that wasn't necessary. 6.0, get the fu*k outta here b*tch.
My bad, didn't finish and i published it by accident.
ReplyDeleteMR. CRAIG:
Was that a compliment or an insult?
Nah. it was advice from a true mentor. "Too-much-profanity" is a bit over-exaggerating in my opinion, and i am being myself, i do curse a lot, AND I LIKE IT. I'm not doing it cuz other people are, i'm doing it cuz i feel like i wanna do it. Maybe it was a "BIT" too much. it was more than enough, but not more than anyone could handle. I can't belive people are actually able to judge you on every word you say for these things.
WAYNE:
ALL OF THE ABOVE.