Many people wanna hear a poem that includes this or that but I got to write a poem that's worth way more than that
I got to write a poem to fill the air to draw you near, a poem to show our lives flow, a poem that shows how fast we grow, a poem to show the show the growth of my flow, I've gotta write a poem
A poem that shows my one to many losses in the poetry slam
A poem that makes the dead regret death and changes the curse of Macbeth, I gotta write a poem
A poem that stops time modifies curse words into rhymes I gotta write a poem
A poem to unite king author and Darth Vader a poem to cause other performers to yell "hey maybe I'll go later"
A poem to stop porky pig from st-st-stuttering a poem to make butterflies stop fluttering
A poem that asks why everytime I flip through T.V. I don't see any one of my color, only on the channel of BET, that's the only channel I see people with the same color skin as me
A poem that really proves that this nation still haven't realized their creed, there are people with no heart and people with such greed, a poem that asks was it worse being owned by slavemasters or being put down, spit on and being called drug passers
A poem that tells about the streets of NYC, where the hobos at and the drug addicts be
A poem that drops jaws haters yell there are no flaws that's against the poetic law
A poem that helps me write a better poem, I gotta write a poem
Wayne, you're truly a king man. Stay on the throne and dont't let no one take that position away from you. The only people who would say your poetry is wack are haters. But Issaka's right Wayne. Try to use more figurative language. Believe me, a few metaphors or similes and your poem will rise to another stage of greatness.
ReplyDeleteIntersting how both of the prior comments came from guys who rely on figurative language to enhance there own words. Almost like they've followed some of the suggestions of others in the class (a hint of sarcasm...) We all know we get stuck in a place where we think/feel we've said what we wanted to say, so how could it change? But upon further examiniation or consideration, we may be able to "tweak" it a little, to make it say even more of what we want it to say. The theme may stay the same, even most of your words, but don't ever be afraid of a little editing. It never hurt anyone (just keep your originals, just in case!)
ReplyDeleteYou know what, on second thought and after reading it through again, I'll need to hear you slam this out before I can offer an real critique; because it actually contains the figurative language we've all been asking about.
ReplyDeleteWe'll need to discuss this one in class:)
This poem was just a little something I wrote after we lost the slam ); then I lost the original and decided to try my luck and remember what i wrote which did not come out the way I planned. oh yeah this isn't my slam poem it was just something to help me out. I have yet to post my slam poem.
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