When and why I smile

I smile when disaster comes
I smile when I get bad grades
I smile when something depressing comes on
But all I do is Smile
As if I had nothing to say.
Some think that I’m just creepy
Some think that I’m just weird.
But what they didn’t know
Is that I do this to hide my fear.

My fear is
One day near
My life shall come to an end.
Another fear is another day
My friends will send me away.
Away to a land once seen,
But never saw again
Even though I thought
They wouldn’t
Since they said they were
My best friends.

I had one fear when young
A fear of life it self
With grandma gone
And cousins no longer fond
I was afraid my parents bond
Would one day fade away.

I had a fear when older
That no one would like me
And I would have no friends,
Which wasn’t true cause I got a few.

My fear today you see
Is my body will be sold
For coke in the street,
My mind will be wasted by one 40oz
I’ll try to get fatter
So my booty can bounce
Maybe then I’ll be like J-low,
Or maybe even Eve
Maybe then a bum on the street
Could call his queen.
All this cause I took one puff,
All this cause I sniffed that stuff.